Have you ever been so sick that all you wanted to do was sleep, feeling you could do nothing more than lie in bed? Have you ever missed so much school, or work as a result of being sick, that by the time you came back, you found yourself lost, hopeless and stressed out? Well, I have. I have missed two weeks of collage from being ill. I wish to tell you what I have experienced as a consequence, primarily, how far behind one can get and how difficult, if not impossible at times, it is to catch up.
Collage has been exciting and changeling for me. I knew that the H1N1 virus lurked everywhere and threaten not only my goals, but every collage students potential future. All students know that to miss too much school can be the decisive factor in their success or eventual failure. Therefore, I diligently washed my hands, continued to eat well and made certain that I got the rest I needed. I hoped that I would be spared the dreaded infection from the well publicized pandemic.
Frankly, when I first felt sick, I ignored it. My mother, from the get go, was concerned I might have the " swine flue". I insisted I did not, I simply could not. I continued to go to school and hockey practice. Then I went down. I could not get out of bed. I didn't ever remember in my life feeling this sick and unable to muster the strength that I have in the past, to continue with the demands of life, while not feeling well. I stayed home for two days, but the guilt and fear that I was feeling forced me to go to school the next day. What a mistake that was. Threw out the day I suffered greatly for I could not concentrate at all, thinking of nothing but my sleeping in my bed, desperately wanting to feel and get better. I remember wondering if I might die, for I certainly felt as if I were dying!
I missed the next two days of school, doing nothing but sleeping and laying in bed, while my family nursed me. That weekend, thinking I should be feeling better after so much down time, I tried to go back to my daily routines, which included the rigorous daily hockey practices. My lungs on the ice locked up, I could barley breathe. I went home with my tail between my legs, in tears, I felt even sicker than I had before. My mom feared the worst convinced I had a relapse, she scolded and hounded me to "Go see a Doctor, now!"
I could ignore my illness no longer, I knew I needed a Doctor. I found out that I did in fact have what I was so convinced I would never get, I was diagnosed with H1N1. I was instructed to "Stay out of school, to not leave the house, until my fever was gone for 24 hours." Previously I had been running a fever every day, now it spiked higher than ever. I felt miserable. Compounding the psychical distress, was the emotional stress that I could not escape. As I lay in bed, I could think of nothing but what I was all missing in class. "How would I ever be able to make it all up?"I would ask myself. I honestly began to believe that I would have no other choice but to drop out.
I was home the duration of the next whole week. As I felt better and attended class again, I learned that my fears of being hopelessly behind, were valid. With encouragement from my family , I approached the overwhelming task, with optimism. However, as the week went on, I quickly was extremely stressed out. I worried and seriously doubted if I could in fact do it, catch up and pass my classes by the end of the semester. I knew if I did not, I would fail. My optimism turned to fatalism. I wanted to run away from collage, never come back, and leave my dreams of teaching behind. Yet, it is not in my character to give up, I have always been a fighter.
I went at it again, my strategy was to get the notes I missed, and I decided that it was paramount was for me to talk with my professors, and let them understand what I was facing. I at first, wanted to hide my life long learning disability. I have fought all my life, worked extra hard to prove to myself and others that I was just as good as the next person. I have come to except that for me learning is harder, that I am not like others, in that I learn different. Most notably , it takes me more time to read, especially to write, and therefore to get my homework done. I struggle greatly with timed tests, finding I simply run out of time, as a result of my slowness in reading and writing. How in earth was I to ever catch up? I wondered.
It was so tempting during this ordeal to simply quit. I came so close, it is frightening. One thing that influenced me not to give up, was when I was researching on the Internet about collage students, and I read that in the first year , nearly 60 percent drop out. I understand why and how this happens. I was ill prepared for the rigours of collage life. I had no idea of the amount of writing it entailed. But once again, I am determined to not give up. I want more for myself. I know that I can be a very good teacher for special need children. I desire to learn and teach sign language and I know that my heart has what it takes to teach children with serious issues in learning. If I quit collage, I can not give back to society.
I am hopeful that my professors will incorporate and make adjustments for the students who have gotten the flue and have missed class, it seems that most have given consideration in this matter. I am thankful for myself, it is almost over. I am working very hard, admittedly am very stressed but I am determined to keep on fighting for what I dream in.
